"What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!"
Alright, yeah that song just plays up immediately whenever someone mentions love.
So, you've gone ahead and caught yourself a bit of a "heartbreak"? Damn, that sucks. Heartbreak isn't a cold, it's not a virus, it's not even a disease. You cannot see it, you can only feel it.
And it's different from person to person.
But before we continue, let's talk a bit about love.
Much like heartbreaks, love is different from person to person as well. You obviously don't love your partner the same way you love your dog. You don't love your parents the same way you love your best friend.
This type of love is purely based on the connections you share with these people, the bonds you share. Some are deeper and others are more on the surface and the deeper they are, the harder it is to break them.
Love is of course many things and when I say "connections" i of course talk about relationships, but it's a bit easier to explain, as most regard "relationships" as something only found between a boy and a girl.
But whether or not it's a relationship or a friendship or a professional relationship like the one you have with your boss or colleagues, you share a connection, a bond.
It shouldn't come as a surprise that it hurts when this connection is broken or lost and I think we've all suffered through it one way or another.
Heartbreaks can be crippling, numbing, it can make you depressed and like good ol' Romeo and Juliet style, it can kill you.
But there are ways to get through it, although I wouldn't recommend the latter.
It's a process and there's sadly no ETA or any way to measure the length of the steps this process involves.
A breakup is quite similar to the death of a loved one, mostly because you more or less lose someone you love. A gory comparison, but true nonetheless.
It's true because one of the first steps to moving on is mourning/grieving.
Here's a few vital steps which helped me:
Allow yourself the time you need to mourn the loss, eat ice cream, pack on a few pounds, cry as much as you want.
Simply put, use this time on yourself.
Spend the time to look back and reflect on the overall relationship. Don't necessarily focus on what went wrong, but evaluate the relationship as a whole. Remember, don't blame yourself or put yourself down. This is a vital step because it allows you to view it all from the top, see the bigger picture.
After a period of time, you should be able to see things differently and from a new perspective, which most likely helps you come to terms with what happened and makes you understand why it happened. You're able to accept it and take the next step.
Who were you during the relationship? Who were you a few months ago? And who do you want to be now? You're single now and you can pretty much be whoever you want. You can improve yourself by looking back and taking the lessons you were taught to help yourself to become the best possible version of yourself. Teach yourself something new, challenge yourself, finish some old projects, start working out. Everything counts, as long as it helps you feel better.
- Let go
A bit of time has passed now and you've successfully managed to pull focus from the breakup. All that's left to do now, is to keep it up. Should you find yourself being stuck, falling back a few steps, don't get discouraged. This is about you and keep in mind, this process can take months or even years.
- Moving on
This is the last step and your journey is almost done. You've spend a long time readjusting yourself, getting used to just being you. Your wounds are almost fully healed, but there's still a fair bit of way to go. So for now, keep it up and continue to look straight a head.
Moving on isn't about forgetting or ignoring the past. It's about allowing yourself to heal, to remember and to improve. It's about you and no one else.
Whether or not you were the one to be dumped or you dumped someone, the above applies to some degree.
I'll be editing this later on, but I just really wanted to share this.
if you like this and toss me a watch.